| Life |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|04:46 pm] |
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So, i guess ill just post something for old times sake yet again. I hate life alot right now, even though some of my new friends are some of the best friends I have ever had. Most of life is just a dying emblem of what I once wanted. Now, the only thing left for me to find true love. Then my life will be complete. Something tells me though that life is just an empty void, with nothing left to give. That, or im destined to be alone. |
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| The year of right |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|12:03 pm] |
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I have a feeling, that this year is going to be better then the rest. So far, this year, i have been in a super good mood. I cant wait for every day. to see what life brings me next. |
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| Winter days bring home more then they show |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|03:10 pm] |
You know the days that at the end of the day you just feel that everything went the way it should have. New hopes came from them, new understandings of why everything is. I had that day, and its been so long. I miss them with all my heart. I love how all it takes is a single person, with pure love and happiness in their heart. Joy; the feeling i have not gotten in a long time. All responsible from another person.
Two sections of a whole is the true meaning of love.
Two people create one new. The true connection. Between everyone. Hope. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2005|11:32 am] |
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction.
You call me "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey" and even "The Man" and you think it's OK.
But when I call you, "Nigger", "Kike", "Towelhead", "Sand-Nigger", "Camel Jockey", "Beaner" or "Chink" you call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?
You say that you want to make a change in this country.
How? By protesting everything that we believe in? By trying to change everything that has made this country run fine for centuries?
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah
You have Cinco de Mayo
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi
You have BET.
If we had WET(white entertainment television) we'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.
If we had white history month, we'd be racists.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights.
If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You enjoy the thought of Driver's Licenses for illegals.
We enjoy the thought of people obeying the laws of the land in which they reside. No negotiations.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it.
But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You call each other "niggas", but when we call you that, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us.
But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
We work hard to perserve our history.
You come along and try to re-write it.
We want a safe environment for our families and children.
You want to bring the ghetto to our neighborhoods.
I am white.
I am proud.
I am an American.
But, you call me a racist.
Why is it that only whites can be racists?
Repost if you agree |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|04:23 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek | ] |
So, something I wanted to say to my dad for a while now I finaly said. I told him I smoke pot agian. Straight forward. This has taken alot off of my chest. He didnt care. I feel pretty good about myself now. It was the only thing I hid from him. Now I dont really care. I mean, I am not going to blantly smoke pot in front of him or anything.
Also, nothing is new in my life. Nothing at all. So, yea. Life is kinda lame right now. I wish this cough I have would go away. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2005|10:27 pm] |
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At this moment for some reason I am insanly depressed. If I could describe how I feel it would be amazing. This has been how I feel all the time but pot has been hindering my ability to fully realize whats going on. I have this dread in my life that is from not knowing whats going on in life. Im stuck, I rooted myself into the ground with the rational that nothing is going to turn out how I predicted at a young age. I get fucked up all the time just to help myself not feel. These last few days of being sober have made me understand that I really dont have a clue whats going on in life. I am lost, with no direction home. Nothing makes sense. These emotions dont make since. What do I do? Do I go back to the shrink and get put on all kinds of medications again? or do I hope everything fixes itself for me. How do I motivate anything when I feel this much dispare? I am sick and tired of feeling so alone, this feeling of alone never goes away. I dont even know what to do. Not at all. What, if anything, can i do. Shit, this didnt even help at all like I was hoping. damn. |
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| Hate |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|04:04 pm] |
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I can not hate, but lies think I can. |
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| Love |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|04:01 pm] |
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Can never happen, when hearts are torn. |
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| Words never meant so much |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|12:22 pm] |
I picked you out of a crowd and talked to you.
I said, "I like your shoes."
You said, "Thanks can I follow you?"
So it's up the stairs and out of view-
No prying eyes
I poured some wine
I asked your name, you asked the time...
Now it's two o'clock-
the club is closed and we're up the block
Your hands on me; pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth, trying to keep the words from coming out
You didn't care to know who else may have been you before
I want a lover I don't have to love.
I want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck.
Where is the kid with the chemicals?
I thought he said to meet him here, but I'm not sure
I got the money if you've got the time
You said, "It feels good."
I said, "I'll give it a try."
Then my mind went dark-
we both forgot where your car was parked
Let's just take the train
I'll meet up with the band in the morning
Bad actors with bad habits
Some sad singers they just play tragic
and the phone's ringing and the van's leaving
Let's just keep touching; let's just keep, keep singing...
I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
And where's the kid with the chemicals
I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize
The kind I have always seem to slip my mind
But you..
But you...
you write
such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do
then hurt me..
then hurt me...
then hurt me... |
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| You want an update, you got it? |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|01:47 pm] |
I am getting to the point when i realized something today. I have not had one real girlfriend this year. Its kind of depressing now that I think about it. What the hell do I do with myself. What is it about me that is so undatible. I am thankful of all my friends that I have made this year. I have some of the best friend I could ever ask for. I dont really know, i feel like im in a rut in my love life. Maybe I am to picky? Maybe I am destined to be alone. I feel some people are like that. But I want to sit on a grassy hill in the middle of the night with a girl, conversing about life and everything that it is. I dont get it. Not at all.
What I find the most laughable is that I always seem to meet girls that want to be friends and hang out all the time. girls that call me because I am just such a great guy to hang out with. Dont you think it gets hard on me sometimes. To hang out with you and your cute couple person. Feeling so damn alone. Thats why I stay in my room so much. Its why so many people dont see me anymore. Besides a few new people who know me better then most and we have only started hanging out a month plus ago. |
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| To the fall |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|04:48 pm] |
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This has been on my mind for quite some time. I think about the changes of the seasons. The drifting of the year as it ages like we do. The fall is just another time of the year. One I used to hate. Though this year I feel so different towards my once hated phase. Now I realize that fall is much like death. Its the last beauty in which any of us will see. Its the best smells, the best fruits. It brings to us the changes in colors. The beautiful spring, turns into the bland summer, which turns itself into the colorful fall, and alas bring us to the dead winter. The seasons remind me of life itself. I have never really feared death, only feared growing old. Is it really that bad? If old is like fall I feel it shall be quite pleasant. Though winter is the end of all. I feel bad omens in the air. I don't like them one bit. I fear that maybe its a prediction that something soon catastrophic is coming my way. I feel so cold. |
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| "Broken Wings" |
[Sep. 18th, 2005|01:42 pm] |
Flutter across the open sky,
Just to know that your alive.
This is the best time of your life,
when nothing is at right.
The colors all around you seem adhere,
with your stomach being all in flutters.
all insides wanting out.
figure that this is all a dream,
Givin to you by a friend.
With memories that break and bend.
This is the best time of your life,
when nothing is at right.
Just remember what was said.
The ride home from any trip,
is depression at its best. |
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| Someday you will be loved |
[Aug. 25th, 2005|01:55 pm] |
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Each day I take another step towards each of my goals. Still though I am only on the foothills of the mountain I set forth to conquer years ago. I ache with the pain of the many many times people have pushed me down the steep slope of my own goals. I keep pushing but I know that my goals are quite difficult to finish. I hate knowing that its possible for me to never finish a single one. The number one thing I miss the most. Love. I finally realized I have never known what love is. Love is nothing to me, just another tendency. So fuck it all. Fuck everything and everyone. I'm grumpy. |
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| So, how gay am I? |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|02:04 pm] |
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So after hearing so many people say how shag a show the O.C. is i desided to download the first season on DVD. I am hooked. I cant stop watching. Its like an addiction. Whats going to happen next, you know. haha. if i didnt love the pussy so much, i swear i would be gay. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2005|09:53 am] |
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So last night I went disk golfing, got drunk, and bought a pack of smokes. So, I am going to have to start quiting agian. haha, this sucks. maybe its just impossible for me to quit, or at least til i get a new life style. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2005|03:37 pm] |
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So, when i tried to quit smoking, it failed. Here I am two days later or so and trying again. I have not had a single smoke today. Though, i am fucking dying to have one. I mean I NEED ONE. It is the worst feeling in the world to not have a cig. Its such a hard thing to give up. I dont even know what to do about it anymore. Someone fucking kill me. |
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| Here I am |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|01:19 pm] |
Once again trying to quit smoking. Sitting here going crazy over a cig. A fucking peice of paper with some tobaco. ARGGGGGG, this is the worst feeling in the world. It feels like im drowning, like i cant breath. I hate everything, im so very very angry. The feeling so hard to express. I think the best way is, you feel thirsty, but water will not make it go away. Only a good old fag can.
By the way, if you want to call and give me a little like, perk up with a good job on quiting. DO IT! 248-330-3206
<3
Adam |
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